_uacct = "UA-4123970-2"; urchinTracker(); nothing's a big dealTumblr (3.0; @adambowers)http://adambowers.net/rejected ONN headlinesso i guess i’ll just post the headlines that didn’t make the cut when i freelanced for...http://adambowers.net/post/752712341http://adambowers.net/post/752712341Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:15:00 -0700about 6 months ago, i was writing for the ONN, the onion’s video...<object width="400" height="358"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://media.theonion.com/flash/video/embedded_player.swf?&videoid=14385" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed src="http://media.theonion.com/flash/video/embedded_player.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" width="400" height="358" flashvars="videoid=14385"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>about 6 months ago, i was writing for the ONN, the onion’s video segments. it was considered by all who witnessed it a resounding failure, but i did get 2 jokes in there. this is one of the videos with a headline of mine in it (in the crawl at the bottom of the screen, at around 1:29):</p> <p>Report: High Unemployment Rate Having No Effect On Bikini-Clad Girls</p>http://adambowers.net/post/516171356http://adambowers.net/post/516171356Mon, 12 Apr 2010 11:19:00 -0700this one is at around 0:41 in the crawl: Americans Fall Behind...<object width="400" height="358"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="movie" value="http://media.theonion.com/flash/video/embedded_player.swf?&videoid=14366" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><embed src="http://media.theonion.com/flash/video/embedded_player.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" width="400" height="358" flashvars="videoid=14366"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>this one is at around 0:41 in the crawl:</p> <p>Americans Fall Behind Nation’s Gorillas In Sign Language Aptitude</p> <p>that was about 6 months of work.</p>http://adambowers.net/post/516167972http://adambowers.net/post/516167972Mon, 12 Apr 2010 11:17:00 -0700my netflix queue has come to a defining crossroads<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l0jctp0Uoz1qz94uqo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>my netflix queue has come to a defining crossroads</p>http://adambowers.net/post/504598512http://adambowers.net/post/504598512Wed, 07 Apr 2010 19:13:01 -0700at last, the feud has a winnerFor those of you who have been following this epic war between two IMDB message board posters, the...http://adambowers.net/post/74875825http://adambowers.net/post/74875825Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:29:00 -0800Today's Headline: Bush Calls Obama With Plan To Save EconomyNewly-appointed President Obama received a phone call late Thursday night from ex-President George...http://adambowers.net/post/72537077http://adambowers.net/post/72537077Fri, 23 Jan 2009 01:59:56 -0800Today’s Headline: Recession Forces Kid From "Blank Check" To Foreclose On CastleThe nation held its breath today as one of its most iconic millionaires, the kid from Blank Check,...http://adambowers.net/post/68807310http://adambowers.net/post/68807310Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:25:00 -0800This is my favorite headline ever.<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/Z35cSqn3zfr0kopjeuw7rjIko1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>This is my favorite headline ever.</p>http://adambowers.net/post/57363531http://adambowers.net/post/57363531Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:41:26 -0700"Feet, why do I need them if I have wings to fly?…Oh yeah, for walking."““Feet, why do I need them if I have wings to fly?…Oh yeah, for walking.”” - Frida...http://adambowers.net/post/53564596http://adambowers.net/post/53564596Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:16:53 -0700The road to Hell is paved with good vibrations. If you read this blog, you’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past couple of months. Also, if...http://adambowers.net/post/50201501http://adambowers.net/post/50201501Sun, 14 Sep 2008 23:25:00 -0700"This 'Coach: Season 3' box set is really taking my mind off of my inevitable death"    Wait. Hayden is going to let Luther coach the game? And he’s going to feed him plays over the...http://adambowers.net/post/36064837http://adambowers.net/post/36064837Sun, 25 May 2008 23:38:17 -0700Today's Headline: Superhero Unmasked As Total Douche Bag    When construction worker Bill Humphreys, 46, fell off of a wooden plank twenty-two stories up,...http://adambowers.net/post/34501872http://adambowers.net/post/34501872Sun, 11 May 2008 22:45:54 -0700how to write a montage (or, what comes out when i'm too tired to think)This is for all you aspiring screenwriters out there who have ever seen a montage in a Keanu Reeves...http://adambowers.net/post/33068448http://adambowers.net/post/33068448Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:24:00 -0700new yorkA couple weeks ago, I was in New York, and I guess you could say I got a little...http://adambowers.net/post/32489271http://adambowers.net/post/32489271Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:27:00 -0700sleep-rapistWhat a crummy way to start the day, waking up to realize you’ve been sleep-raping, again....http://adambowers.net/post/32116640http://adambowers.net/post/32116640Thu, 17 Apr 2008 23:37:00 -0700Andy Rooney is old This is awesome. It’s like everyone’s senile grandfather has national air-time to say...http://adambowers.net/post/31862747http://adambowers.net/post/31862747Tue, 15 Apr 2008 12:51:40 -0700An Excerpt From the Diary of A Disgruntled Foot SoldierJune 11, 1991Dear Diary:    What the hell have I gotten myself into? I am seriously starting to...http://adambowers.net/post/31791788http://adambowers.net/post/31791788Mon, 14 Apr 2008 21:10:00 -0700avalanche of trainsHi, my name’s Adam. I’m gonna treat this like a little sketch pad. Who knows what will be on it? I...http://adambowers.net/post/31776014http://adambowers.net/post/31776014Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:12:00 -0700