The road to Hell is paved with good vibrations.
If you read this blog, you’re probably wondering where I’ve been the past couple of months. Also, if you read this blog, you’re probably Clarence Johnson from the Crawford County Prison System (Aggravated Rape). Hey, Clarence! Hope this entry helps you “silence the voices,” as you like to say. Where was I? Oh, yes. After raising my eyesight to the start of this entry, I recall saying something about you (Clarence) wondering where I’ve been the past couple months. But, that’s not important. What is important is what I’m doing now, because, as the saying goes, the past is behind you and the future is like Halloween. As I write this, I’m in the middle of moving to Los Angeles. I know what you’re thinking: “Los Angeles, California?! Why, that’s the most cultured, sophisticated place in the world! He will surely spend his days surrounded by poets and philosophers in that marvelous utopia!” Yes. Yes I will.
But, since saying goodbye to my home in Florida, I’ve decided to finally get something off my chest. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I’ve just done push-ups, so my testosterone is running wild.
The following is a list of people I hate. If it seems a little dated, it’s because I wrote it in third grade. But, as 9/11 taught us: Never forget. Let’s blow some dust off this bitterness.
WHO DO I HATE, by Adam Bowers (grade 3):
Tommy Smitherman- For sticking one of my grapes in your nose at lunch. Classless.
Joshua Fischer- For saying that you wanted to play Trucks the entire summer but telling me in JUNE that Trucks was boring. YOU’RE BORING!
Bobby Smith- For getting the same Ninja Turtles back pack as me. Way to go, we looked like assholes.
Warren Worthington- For beating my score in Sonic 2. I still haven’t been able to reclaim 1st place.
Henry Littleton- For always having chocolate smeared on your face. My God, man, show some self-respect!
Trevor Thomas- For telling everyone that I drop my pants completely at urinals before telling me, privately, that nobody else does.
Matthew Chapman- For having curly hair like I did, but making me look like a jerk by gelling yours back because it otherwise looked ridiculous. Where is your sense of unity?
Levi Gilman- I think this one was for smelling like cherries.
Sarah Palinski- For not assuming that my “skinny times infinity” body, as you seemed to never grow tired of saying, was due to a strict workout regimen. I’ll have you know, I was in the best shape of my life back then.
Terrell Allen- For deluding me into thinking I could play basketball. Then why was there so much crying?
Susan Clemens- For calling me out in front of the whole class when I asked you to tie my shoes for me. You were the worst teacher ever.
Skip Henderson- For having way too fake a name for this to sound real.
