“This ‘Coach: Season 3’ box set is really taking my mind off of my inevitable death”
Wait. Hayden is going to let Luther coach the game? And he’s going to feed him plays over the phone? What?! All because of a tooth ache? I know those two have cooked up some crazy schemes, but let’s face it, this is by far the craziest. And most hilarious! Wow, this Coach: Season 3 box set is really taking my mind off of my inevitable death.
I mean, sure, I could agonize for weeks over what makes “life” worth “living,” whatever that means. But, why waste those precious hours when, in 22 minutes, I can see what happens when Hayden and Luther get stranded on the night of Christine’s awards banquet. THOSE two are the ones who should make peace with God, if you know what I mean!
Now, I used to be one of those fancy “people-who-leave-the-house.” You know the kind: long hair, hacky sack. “Life-huggers.” But, why experience new things when none of it involves the antics of Jerry Van Dyke? I’ve peered into the dark corners of my soul before, and my only thought is “I wish Dauber was here.” His endearing oafishness is much more entertaining than learning the reason for my existence. Maybe the next time some cliché existential crisis wants my attention, it will have some jokes about pie.
I may have lost my wife and children, but I still have the only family I’ve ever needed: that wacky staff of the Screaming Eagles. Not only do they accept me unconditionally, but, every time we get together, they teach me a valuable life lesson that I would put to good use if I ever came into contact with another human being.
Emily Dickinson once said, “That I will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” Clearly, she died before the show got picked up for reruns. Life can be tragic that way.
