April 2008
6 posts
how to write a montage (or, what comes out when...
This is for all you aspiring screenwriters out there who have ever seen a montage in a Keanu Reeves movie and thought, “That looks like it would be a lot of fun to format according to current screenwriting guidelines.” Well, guess what? It is! You can make a montage out of just about anything, from buying stamps for the Stamp Fair to lying to your children for the Lying To Your...
new york
A couple weeks ago, I was in New York, and I guess you could say I got a little “streetsmart.” That’s right, I learned something about the world. It was pretty cold while I was there, so most people were bundled up in coats, and each one of them taught me a valuable lesson: that people in coats are assholes. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the fabric or the fact that...
sleep-rapist
What a crummy way to start the day, waking up to realize you’ve been sleep-raping, again. Sleep-raping, by the way, is a good sign to stop taking Ambien.
My friend, Lizzy, found this thing on DontDateHimGirl.com, a website that seems to have been lifted right out of my diary. I guess it’s where girls can let other girls know about terrible guys they’ve dated, so the others...
Andy Rooney is old
This is awesome. It’s like everyone’s senile grandfather has national air-time to say whatever he wants.
An Excerpt From the Diary of A Disgruntled Foot...
June 11, 1991 Dear Diary: What the hell have I gotten myself into? I am seriously starting to doubt my career path. I keep asking myself, is it worth $11.50 an hour to get punched in the face by a giant turtle on a skateboard? I’ve been working here for three months and all I do is get the crap kicked out of me by these friggin’ things. And, surprise, no health insurance plan. Every...
avalanche of trains
Hi, my name’s Adam. I’m gonna treat this like a little sketch pad. Who knows what will be on it? I don’t. Will it be good? I think so. Will reading it repair your many failed relationships? Probably. So, depending on which metaphor you prefer, either hop aboard the “fun train,” or brace yourself for a “fun avalanche.” Hope you like it.